by: Imran Maqbool Wani
Islam places great importance on marriage since it is believed to be a holy union established by Allah. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) stressed the value of marriage, saying that it completes half of a person’s faith and that believers should get married to protect their innocence and foster family unity. Islam sees marriage as a vehicle for procreation, spiritual development, and companionship. It also offers a framework for love and support between partners in a legal partnership. But in the serene valleys of Kashmir, a troubling trend has emerged over the past two decades which threatens the very fabric of its social structure. The trend is the rise in the frequency of late weddings, which is defined by a large proportion of people women especially delaying marriage much past the traditional age.
People are forced to wait an endless amount of time in search of the perfect match, past the appropriate age to get married, and ultimately face the dismal prospect of being alone. This never-ending cycle contributes to the breakdown of conventional values and family structures by sustaining social pressures and encouraging a culture of delayed marriages. There is a common propensity in the rhetoric around Kashmir’s late marriage trend to blame it on Western society.
But it’s important to acknowledge that society has a big say in creating and maintaining this tendency. It ignores the complexity present in our own cultural practices and societal conventions when we just place the blame on Western civilization. The complexities of wedding planning are further increased by customs like the “phir sal” ceremony, the exchanging of dry fruit baskets (Dry fruit Tokar), and other pre and post-marriage functions. Though deeply ingrained in tradition, these practices also add to the logistical and financial strains that come with marriage. Couples encounter additional difficulties as a result of the social expectation to throw extravagant parties after marriage. These traditions, which range from “Phir Sal” to “kokar majme” and dry fruit samawars, not only require a substantial amount of cash but also uphold the idea that weddings are elaborate events. The beauty of marriages has been impacted by the numerous innovations that have been introduced to weddings in recent years.
We actively participate in and encourage the practices that cause the issue of late marriages. Through our choices and the influence of outside variables, such as elaborate “Pre and Post” wedding celebrations and social pressures, we contribute to the continuation of this trend. One notable aspect of our marriage culture is the abundance of “Pre and Post” wedding gatherings, with its own set of customs and rituals. For instance, the "Piyalas Travun&qu ceremony, which is the first in a series of events culminating in the marriage. Despite being deeply ingrained in our culture, this behavior makes marriage more difficult.
Allah clearly says in Quran in Surah Israa; Verse: 26-27 “And give the relative his right, and also the poor and the traveler, and do not spend wastefully”.
There are practical, Islamically-based answers to the problem of delayed marriages in Kashmir that provide some promise. The words of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) encouraging humility and simplicity in marital affairs have great resonance. Thus, it is essential to develop a complete approach that considers the cultural, sociological, and economic factors. First of all, making marriage more accessible to younger age groups might relieve financial burdens and social expectations by streamlining marital customs. Encouragement of young marriages can, within moral and legal bounds, foster family stability and support structures. It is also critical to oppose dowry (another name now gifts) demands so that marriages are based on equality and mutual respect rather than the exchange of expensive gifts.
In addition to creating a supportive atmosphere, encouraging community involvement helps couples feel accountable and like they belong. Understanding Islamic marriage customs, which place a high importance on cooperation, compassion, and mutual respect, can help people create more healthy relationships. Lastly, reevaluating the variety and significance of pre- and post-marital events may help cut down on wasteful spending and social pressures while refocusing resources on creating a solid foundation for married life. By putting these regulations into effect, Kashmir may encourage a change in societal norms that supports young, straightforward marriages based on community, equality, and careful money management.
Simple marriages, according to the Prophet Mohammad (SAW), are the finest kinds, and Islam outright prohibits excess in all areas of life, including marriage. The Quran also forbids us from overspending as it exhorts us to donate to those in need and to prioritize doing good deeds above frivolous purchases. The tendency of late marriage in modern society gives rise to several societal difficulties. Combating the practice of postponing weddings in Kashmir necessitates a thorough strategy that complies with Islamic law and takes into account social, cultural, and economic aspects. Kashmir may cultivate a culture that encourages timely, equitable unions by advocating for simplicity, early marriages, and community participation while resisting lavish wedding practices and dowry demands.
Stronger family ties and healthier relationships can result from embracing Islam's marriage-related teachings and reassessing cultural expectations around wedding rituals. Kashmir has the potential to create a future where marriages based on financial responsibility, community support, and mutual respect flourish by working together and making thoughtful decisions.
The author can be mailed at waniimran@169gmil.com
