by Mohd Abass Dar
Not very long ago, people knew very little about life beyond their own towns and villages. Today, things have changed completely. A student sitting in Kashmir can watch a classroom in Japan, listen to a lecture from England, or talk to a friend living in Canada within a few seconds. In fact, the world has become so connected that distance no longer feels like a major barrier. Yet, there is a strange irony (i.e., something surprising that is opposite to what we expect). Although we have become closer through technology, many people seem to have grown farther apart in their hearts. We become angry more quickly, judge more easily, and listen less patiently. Think about it for a moment. If we have so many ways to connect with one another, why do so many people still feel divided? The answer does not lie in technology. It lies in the way we understand, or fail to understand, one another. That is exactly where empathy becomes so important.
It reminds me of a famous English poet, John Donne, who once wrote, “No man is an island.” These simple words carry a powerful truth. No one lives completely alone. Our lives are connected in ways we often fail to notice. The happiness of one family, the suffering of another, the kindness of a stranger, or even the anger of a single person can influence many lives around them. Once we understand this connection, we begin to realise why empathy is not just a good quality but a necessity.
But what exactly is empathy? Many people hear this word but never stop to think about its real meaning. To put it simply, empathy means trying to understand another person’s feelings by imagining yourself in that person’s place. It is quietly asking yourself, “If I were living this person’s life today, how would I feel?” It should be borne in mind that empathy does not mean agreeing with every opinion or defending every action. Instead, it means understanding before judging. It asks us to look beyond appearances because appearances often tell only a very small part of the story.
The same idea is expressed by the famous American writer Harper Lee, through the character Atticus Finch in “To Kill a Mockingbird”,. He says, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.” In many ways, that single sentence explains empathy better than long definitions ever could. If we take a simple example from everyday school life. Imagine a student who suddenly becomes very quiet. He no longer laughs with his friends. He avoids conversations and spends most of the day sitting alone. Some classmates may immediately label him as proud, rude, or unfriendly. However, what if his father recently lost his job? What if someone close to him has passed away? What if he is struggling with anxiety (i.e., constant worry or fear) but does not know how to talk about it? Suddenly, the same behaviour looks completely different. In other words, empathy reminds us that people are often carrying struggles that cannot be seen with our eyes. Once we understand this, we stop judging so quickly and start showing more patience.
However, many people also confuse empathy with sympathy. The two words sound similar, but they are not the same. Sympathy means feeling sorry for someone. Empathy goes much deeper because it tries to understand what another person is actually experiencing. Imagine a hungry child standing outside a bakery, looking through the glass at fresh bread. Sympathy makes us feel sad for that child. Empathy asks bigger questions. Why is the child hungry? What does it feel like to watch others eat while your own stomach is empty? What can I do to help? As a result, empathy does not stop with emotion. It moves towards action. After all, understanding another person’s pain means very little if it never inspires kindness.
In this context,The English playwright “William Shakespeare” understood this truth very well. In The Merchant of Venice, he wrote, “The quality of mercy is not strained.” Mercy (i.e., kindness shown to someone who is suffering) cannot be forced. It grows naturally in a heart that understands another person’s pain. At the same time, we cannot ignore the fact that our society is becoming more divided. People often separate themselves because of religion, language, caste, nationality, political opinions, or even because of what they read on social media. Yet, differences themselves are not dangerous. Human beings have always been different. Different food, different clothes, different traditions, and different beliefs have existed throughout history. Then why do these differences sometimes become reasons for hatred?
Its answer lies in the fact that people stop listening and start assuming (i.e., believing something without knowing the real truth). They decide who another person is before even speaking to them. As a result, misunderstandings begin to grow. Misunderstandings create fear. Fear slowly turns into anger, and anger often becomes hatred. After all, it is difficult to hate someone once you truly know their story. The great Irish writer “George Bernard Shaw”once observed, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” In simple words, many people believe they have understood each other, when in reality nobody has truly listened.
Now a days, we see that social media has made this challenge even greater. Every day we scroll through hundreds of posts, videos, and comments. News reaches us within seconds. Unfortunately, so do rumours. Sometimes people become angry after reading only one sentence without checking whether it is true. A careless comment written in a few seconds may hurt another person for years. But what happens when empathy enters the picture? We slow down. We ask ourselves whether the information is true. We think before we write. We remember that behind every screen is a real human being with real emotions. Those few extra moments of thought often prevent arguments that could have lasted much longer.
Empathy first begins at home. Long before children learn lessons from books, they learn lessons by watching their parents. A family becomes stronger when people listen to understand instead of listening only to reply. Parents who understand their children’s fears build trust. Children who understand the sacrifices made by their parents become more thankful. Besides, when respect becomes a habit inside the home, it naturally becomes a habit outside the home as well. This is why many strong societies are built upon strong families. Schools offer another opportunity to practise empathy. Education is not only about securing high marks or passing examinations. It is also about becoming a good human being.
Imagine that a new student enters a classroom for the first time. Nobody speaks to him. Nobody invites him to sit with them. He spends the entire day feeling lonely. Now imagine one student walking over with a smile and saying, “Come and sit with us.” That sentence takes only a few seconds to say, yet it may become the reason that the new student begins to feel accepted. Small acts often create the biggest memories. More importantly, they remind us that kindness costs nothing but may mean everything to someone who desperately needs it. The same lesson continues in our workplaces. A manager who understands the difficulties faced by employees earns genuine respect instead of simple obedience. In the same way, employees who understand the responsibilities carried by their managers cooperate more willingly. Trust grows because understanding grows first. Good teamwork is rarely built through fear. It is built through mutual respect (i.e., both sides respecting each other).
Yet empathy becomes even more valuable when people disagree. Every person believes that his or her opinion is correct. That is natural. The problem begins when people completely stop listening. How does this affect society? Conversations disappear and arguments take their place. Friends become strangers. Neighbours stop greeting one another. Families become divided over issues that could have been discussed calmly. Empathy reminds us that listening is not weakness. In fact, listening carefully often requires more courage than speaking loudly. Books quietly teach this lesson every day. Whenever we read a novel, poem, or short story, we step into another person’s life. We experience their joys, fears, hopes, failures, and dreams. We may never personally experience war, poverty, disability, or loneliness, yet literature allows us to understand those experiences through the lives of its characters. For this reason, literature is often called a mirror of life (i.e., something that reflects real human life) because it shows us not only events but also the emotions hidden behind those events.
The writer C. S. Lewis beautifully captured this idea when he said, “We read to know we are not alone.” Literature reminds us that our struggles are shared by millions of people across different countries and generations. Suddenly, another person’s story begins to feel a little like our own. But what can we learn from all this? We learn that empathy is not simply a feeling. It is a way of living. It changes the words we choose, the decisions we make, and the way we treat people every single day. A teacher becomes more patient with a struggling student. A doctor speaks more gently to a frightened patient. A neighbour notices an elderly person living alone and quietly offers help. Society becomes better not because a few extraordinary people perform great acts, but because ordinary people perform small acts of kindness every day.
The celebrated writer George Eliot asked a question that remains meaningful even today: “What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?” Perhaps there is no better summary of empathy than this. Our success means much more when it also makes someone else’s life a little easier. Above all, empathy reminds us that every human being wants the same basic things—to be respected, to be heard, to be treated fairly, and to live with dignity (i.e., self-respect and honour). Our languages may be different. Our religions may be different. Our cultures and political opinions may also be different. Yet our hearts are remarkably similar. We all celebrate success. We all fear loss. We all experience love, disappointment, hope, and pain.
The American poet Maya Angelou expressed this beautifully when she wrote, “We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike.” Her words remind us that our shared humanity is
always greater than our differences. In the end, the future of our world will not depend only on faster technology, stronger economies, or taller buildings. It will also depend on whether we choose to understand one another despite our differences. Empathy cannot remove every disagreement, nor can it solve every problem overnight. Still, it can completely change the way we respond to those problems. Sometimes peace does not begin in parliaments or international conferences. Sometimes it begins with one ordinary person choosing to listen before judging, to understand before criticising, and to show kindness before expecting it from others. Perhaps that simple choice is exactly what our divided world needs today.
Author teaches at DPS Dooru. He can be mailed at abassdar135@gmail.com
